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Here's mine. :D


Mentally Disturbed Texas Man Killed In BATF Raid.
Associated Press 6/21/2006
By Staff Writer: Storm Van Brook

A Texas man was shot and killed in his garage when reports from neighbors alerted police that a resident was pointing his AK47 machine-gun assault weapon in an aggressive manner as he was cleaning his weapon in his garage. Brian "57Strat" Jackson was pronounced dead on the scene after agents from the BATF raided his home in attempts to nurture, hug and calm Mr. Jackson. When police and ATF agents arrived on the scene, Jackson was in his garage cleaning his AK47 machine gun assault rifle. The deadly AK47 is capable of killing schoolyards of children in seconds, and is used by many of the world's armies. The AK47 is responsible for killing thousands of Americans in Vietnam and Iraq and is the common weapon of choice for the world's terrorist groups.

"When we arrived, Mr. Jackson was in his garage watching a show about Nazis on the History Channel, and had a disassembled AK47 pointing in our direction in a threatening manner", said Agent Blockhead of the BATF. "That's when Jackson unfolded the menacing bayonet on his AK47 and made a bonsai charge towards us. We had no choice but to open fire. It was him or us." Blockhead said. Agents later determined that what they thought was a bayonet, was actually a cleaning rod. "Plenty of people have been killed with cleaning rods too!!", said Agent Blockhead.

After the gunfire ceased, thousands of empty cases lay in boxes around Jackson's garage reloading bench. Agents are still trying to figure out how Jackson fired all those thousands of rounds at Agents during the raid and did not hit anyone. BATF Agents suspect an illegal silencer was used by Jackson and that he must have been on drugs to have missed hitting Agents all those times. Jackson's home and cars were seized for suspected drug trafficking.

"We were really lucky today. It was our training that saved us. It may never be solved how Jackson was able to make all of his empty cases eject from his AK47 automatic machinegun assault weapon into neatly placed boxes as he fired at agents. It's a testament to the determination of the criminal mind.", said Blockhead.

During the raid, Jackson's home was searched and dozens of military automatic weapons marked "Property of US Government" as well as thousands of rounds of military full-metal-jacket-armor-piercing-cop-killer-child-killing-can-go-through-an-engine-block-hollow-point-dumb_dumb-kill-killing ammunition was found. Investigations are pending on how Jackson acquired stolen Government property. Agents said Jackson's compound was "filled with more weapons than what most small countries have", said Blockhead. Over 50 automatic weapons were found inside Jackson's home that could "easily be illegal with the right tools", said Blockhead. Blockhead pulled out a hacksaw from a toolbox and in minutes, sawed the barrel off of one of Jackson's rifles. "I've just converted this gun to an illegal short barrel rifle and it only took a minute. Jackson had over 50 potentially illegal weapons here. Thank God they are now off the street!", Blockhead exclaimed. There was also an attack cat inside the house, which was killed by Agents in the raid.

Jackson was incredibly handsome & well liked according to one neighbor. "We always felt safe in our neighborhood with Brian next door. I just can't understand it. We loved Brain like he was our own family.", said a neighbor. Another neighbor had observed Jackson often cleaning his guns in his garage, and thought that Jackson was a danger to society. "Why does anyone need guns like that? He even had some kind of belt-fed machine-gun made to shoot down the space shuttle or something. The world is better off without that nut-case! I couldn't even wash my Prius or drink a latte' on my porch without being in fear of that maniac shooting me by accident while he was cleaning his guns!", said the neighbor.

Jackson's fianc? was arrested in the raid and is being held on charges of possession of an illegal unregistered attack cat.
 

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Master Window Licker
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Whos the BATF?
 

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That was beautiful, man. Made me cry. We should all be so lucky, going-out doing what we love to do. sniff
 

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57 will be sorely missed, but I'm really gonna miss the cat...here's the BATF file footage just before they cut him down.

 

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Discussion Starter #6
loboslanding said:
57 will be sorely missed, but I'm really gonna miss the cat...here's the BATF file footage just before they cut him down.




LMAO!!!!! Funny!!!
 

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Ptmetals

I think they will try to cover up the fact there was a shoe found without a shoelace in it. But hey there is enough's thong's out in the free world that you could ban all shoe's everywhere.
 

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Now that is a creative mind at work , I laughed so hard i soiled my last diaper!!
 

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ATF....Always The Fools...

Brian.....damn near split my pants.....LOL.....but the sceneario is frighteningly realistic. Kicked two (2) ATF agents out of my shop in Oct 2003 for attempting to violate the law,abbrogate my rights,intimidate my customers and generally violate their own rules/regs. Next time it was 'yes sir','please' and 'would you mind'. They are more afraid of people who know the law,stand up for their rights and generally don't take any crap from idiots or fools in gov'mt service. I'm more liklely to end up like your sceneario than most.....
 

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closer to the truth than you think

I have worked in Television News for 13 years. I have seen real stories done that unfortunetly come very close to that one.

reality is definitely stranger than fiction.
 

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If You Were Raided By The BATF, What Would Your News Headline & Story Say?

Leader of Major Terrorist Cell Arrested

There was a major potential leader of a terrorist cell arrested yesterday in a private home on a quiet cul-de-sac within a large gated community in Northern Virginia. The agents carted out over 20,000 rounds of junk-Indian and other ammo, a FEDERALLY LICENSED firearms collection, and a fully-automatic NFA firearm built in pre-May 19, 1986, costing only one hundred dollars, for which an FBI required background check was made.

All the items, along with the owner, were returned one day later, although no taxicab was provided for the suspected terrorist leader or his booty. The day of the investigation there were 19 neighbors interviewed who said "he plowed the sidewalks of the entire length of the street with his snowblower during a blizzard last year, and was rewarded with a bottle of fine brandy for his effort." He is, therefore, obviously an alcoholic and not to be trusted! He says he "does not drink beverage alcohol, is a grateful, recovering alcoholic of at least more than one day's duration," and has "not had a drink today." (He says he thinks that "only TODAY counts!")

There was one supposededly more reliable neighbor, who knew better, and claimed the arrestee'd had 19 guys and some of their wives over to this terrorist cell on the Saturday before last, for a SUPPOSED "Tupperware Party" that was actually a "bunch of people running around in the streets with assault weapons, aimlessly standing around, and making a lot of noise ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON!!!" (Sic) "Oh yes, and they PARKED A LOT OF VEHICLES IN THE STREET" possibly causing undue wear on the designated parking spaces! Obviously a Taliban cell or such, even though they were having PORK barbecue for lunch! The investigating DETECTIVE, of the CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION DIVISION -- MAJOR CRIMES UNIT of Prince William County who showed up, refused to eat any barbecue or potato salad because "he'd just eaten." This "law enforcement officer" OBVIOUSLY was part of a COVERUP, and in a collusion with the alleged insurgents who were making Browning 1919a4 assualt rifles capable of being easily concealed and of defeating an entire country, because he went away seeming happy and satisfied, and without complaint.

It was the LATER "authorities," Federal, State and local police, accompanied by fiends of PETA, who showed up to knock down doors, setting off "flash-bangs" and such, before carting off the collection and the perpetrator. Unfortunately for them, they didn't realize that the REAL CLEO lives in the same neighborhood and insisted upon the Second Amendment being applied and enforced, along with others, such as Due Process, etcetera. When the alleged terrorist was carted off to jail, he quietly said to this reporter "SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS," (Latin for "Thus Always To Tyrants," the Commonwealth of Virginia's Motto,)" whatever threat that might be taken to mean!

The episode leading up to the purportedly illegal raid later became known as the "BEST DOGGONE BUILD PARTY EVER IN NORTHERN VIRGINIA" on several gunnut boards, and, it was allegedly mentioned there was supposedly some slow cooked, pit-smoked pork barbecue served that was simply "OKaaay," but politically incorrect because the humanely raised pig was "SHAMLESSLY SLAUGHTERED" for the benefit of PEOPLE!!!

That the "gunnuts" allegedly collected and donated enough money to send an underpriviledged kid to summer camp for a week was inconsequential and irrevelant. This reporter, as an upstanding citizen, and employee of this fine socialist newsgroup, cannot condone such disrespect for such a wonderful sentient being as that porker, and will seek to have PETA instigate a further investigation of these irresponsible perpetrators and terrorists and this and their many other politically incorrect actions.

(Expletive deleted) Washington Staff Reporter

Carry On! Gary
 

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I think how most of these go is the rifles they confiscate are always illegal assault weapons (until they figure out a week later they're perfectly legal) and the bomb squad is called in to cart away suspected bomb making equipment - boxes of nails, bleach, plumbing parts, a bag of 10-10-10 lawn fertelizer. Then they interview the neighbors who say "he was such a quiet man". Too bad they don't go after violent criminals.
 

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Big Hole in Ground-- After a raid on a local law abiding citizen by the BATFE, one of the officers errant rounds set off a massive explosion of legally owned ammunition. Reconstructionists are trying to peice together the remains of both the homeowners and the raiding BATFE agents.
The sight seems destined to become a new recreational facility for the area due to the size of the crater, it will be easier to let it fill naturally with water and be turned in a new boating and fishing lake rather than attempt to fill it in, the lake will be named in honor of the homeowner due to his help in creating it.
 

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Dont worry Brian, On the 4th of July each year all of the 1919A4 forum will gather at the new fishing hole in your honor for a BBQ and fishing derby. I hope they don't mind us fishing with AKs and explosives:D
 

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30calmachinegunner
you stole mine ROTFLMAO only the explosion took out the 12 man ATF team , all 30 the deputys but the sheriff of the county, six cow, ten goats and a horse a mile away, the blast was heard in the three ajacent countys 20 miles away, legal firearms were found as far as two miles away and it knocked two 18 wheelers and a loaded dump truck off the near by state road.
all that remains of the house on the private dirt road is a slab as the house was on a 8' concrete block foundation ,be on the look out for the extremely dangerious attack macaw who escaped during the assualt it is to be considered armed and dangerious ,the very large bird is known to carry a NAA mini revlover in an under wing holster and while being rainbow colored he is a master of camoflauge in any tree :eek: :eek:
 

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Home Implodes after FedEx delivery.

A two-story home suddenly collapsed today after a FedEx delivery. Upon reviewing the delivery records the package weighed 10 lbs and came from Center Fire Systems. The driver of the truck stated the home owner just signed for the package and within 2 minutes of waking inside the house imploded!. When rescue crews arrived they found nothing but the shattered remains of a home, with machine gun barrels, magazines, and ammunition sticking out everywhere.

Initially it was believed that an Air Force C-5 had crashed into the house with a load of arms and ammunition headed for Afghanistan, but after further interviews with the FedEx driver it appears it was common to drop off 2 to 3 boxes a week and he suspected that the house finally gave way due to all the weight. While it seems that it?s a plausible story (main due to 2 inches of packing peanuts spread over the area in a 2 mile radius, the ATF agent in charge stated that the house must of imploded due to illegal quantum bomb making activities, and the stock pile of illegal machine guns is proof that this was terrorist related.

Due to the quantity of twisted metal, and debris the ATF just burned the remains of the home to destroy all the weapons and ammunition, and bulldozed the debris flat for a new mad cow holding area. The home owner was never found, and is believed to have escaped.

Update 9 years later..
A body was found near the old Mad Cow holding area, that was perfectly preserved, and appeared to be covered in a goo like grease thought to be cosmoline. Authorities suspect the body was deposited by aliens.
 

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57, I thot you'd appreciate that AK cat. I stole that from tomt awhile back.

You really are a creative journalistic writer with a talent for detail and you're so descript it's almost like we where there and that it really did happen. Good job.
 

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belt fed frog said:
30calmachinegunner
dangerious attack macaw who escaped during the assualt it is to be considered armed and dangerious ,the very large bird is known to carry a NAA mini revlover in an under wing holster and while being rainbow colored he is a master of camoflauge in any tree :eek: :eek:

Bird runs amock armed and dangerous local PD powerless:D Bird taunts PD with saying EAT LEAD COPPERS!
 

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At the press conference the agent in charge would say;
At this time we have NO COMMENT! We have met with BA?s legal ?Dream Team? of Dewey, Cheatem & Howe Attorneys at Law and have been advised to withhold any comments.


BA?s heart specialists Dr. Howard, Dr. Vine and Dr. Howard have also informed us that he is still under urgent care for ?post traumatic stress? and should be available for comment on this ?misunderstanding? soon.
 
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