My daughter use to HATE to bring her dates to the house - which was mandatory. I had a den with a display of US Military long arms from 1794 to present, along with slings, bayonets and bayonet scabbards. Add to that some of the usual cop stuff and it took up all of a long wall. I made her bring them to me in that den. She would walk them in and introduce them. I would stand (I'm 6'4") look them straight in the eye and say, "There are only two things you need to keep in mind this evening. (Pointing at her.) Only daughter. (Pointing at myself.) Former Marine. Have a pleasant evening."
I still remember one guy who didn't have a car so she was driving. She picked him up and brought him to the house for the same treatment. About 11:45 that night she marched into our bedroom and announced, "I just wanted you to know that he sat as far away from me as he could get the entire evening. Thanks a bunch!", then stomped out of the room. I went back to sleep a happy man.
G: What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
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To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.
Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a
Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be
delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you
cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your
age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to
the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,
and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do
not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I
will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in
place to your waist.
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without
utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know
each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of
the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from
you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back
at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it
is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my
little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is
finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you
want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting
the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you
do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and
a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong
romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain
saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better.
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter,
I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where
you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel,
and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in
over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up,
the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for
you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway
you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no
need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is
Muw HA HA HA HA HA hahahahahahahahahahaha:firedevil:
You'll know you've found MR. Right for her when she brings in her date for the introduction and upon seeing all the stuff on the wall his eyes get this dreamy glaze and he says "Cooool" then proceeds to spend the next hour talking to you about all your stuff and entirely forgets about her! ;D
Being 19, and 5 proms under my belt within the past 3 years, I've dealt with the gun dads before, and they always end up being the ones I get along with the best. I'll never forget my senior prom the girls dad was sitting in the living room disassembling a Garand, trying to scare me a little. He was quite surprised when I showed him how to disassemble the bolt that he couldn't get apart, along with knowing how to strip the rest of the rifle. Needless to say my date got a little frustrated because her dad and I spent the next hour talking about surplus rifles and our collections.
Yeah...but did you get invited to Sunday dinner..? Always happened when I dated a girl and made it a point to meet both mom and dad and ask dad when he wanted his little girl home. Being dressed in a sport coat and tie did not hurt either. Most moms asked me to attend Sunday dinner on the spot....LOL.
A freinds was him and his wife sitting on the front porch, him in his full Confederate Colonels kit, his wife in period dress knitting, both sitting in rockers, the better part of his Confederate company with scraggly grizzled beards, muskets stacked (tripoded with bayonets) 17th VA battle flag draped across the stack line across front yard. Everyone with arms crossed giving the stone face look, "and you will have my daughter home at such and such time, and if you upset her all these men are her Uncles who have known her since she was born"
My first girl went to her Junior prom last weekend, the young man was an eagle scout and took her out shooting before hand,with a bunch of other guys and girls, my wife and I had to go to the prom so I told him next time they went shooting to come go through the arsenal,my daughter told him I have lots of guns, I think her score went up a ways! I got lucky with this one,she would never date anyone I wouldn't approve of, my next girl is a little more wild so I'll probably have to scare a few guys.
When I ended up for with girls and no boys a crusty old fart told me that "boys were much easier to raise, with them you only have to worry about one penis, with girls you have worry about all of them"!
I don't think I will have this problem... however my idea was...
The Boy would come in and I would take him in another room. Then hand his a 45ACP Bullet. Ask him if he knew what it was. Assuming he said yes. Tell him "Don't make me give you another one!" I think that should be all that needs to be said...
I guess back up plan for if he said "No" to knowing what the bullet was... was to pull the 1911 out and say "its what comes out of this".
My preference is to show them the backhoe and brag about how it digs to sixteen feet. Then get stern, look 'em in the eye and say 'most metal detectors only read down to ten feet.' Then pause. Then say 'You wearin' any metal?'
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