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Prom night:

Cheer Captain's date will be dropping by to pick her up shortly...

 

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Nice!

My daughter use to HATE to bring her dates to the house - which was mandatory. I had a den with a display of US Military long arms from 1794 to present, along with slings, bayonets and bayonet scabbards. Add to that some of the usual cop stuff and it took up all of a long wall. I made her bring them to me in that den. She would walk them in and introduce them. I would stand (I'm 6'4") look them straight in the eye and say, "There are only two things you need to keep in mind this evening. (Pointing at her.) Only daughter. (Pointing at myself.) Former Marine. Have a pleasant evening."

I still remember one guy who didn't have a car so she was driving. She picked him up and brought him to the house for the same treatment. About 11:45 that night she marched into our bedroom and announced, "I just wanted you to know that he sat as far away from me as he could get the entire evening. Thanks a bunch!", then stomped out of the room. I went back to sleep a happy man.
 

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BeltFed GURU
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Dating application

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and
current medical report from your doctor.

NAME____________________________________ DATE OF
BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA
Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENSE
________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND
BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________
POSTODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
_____________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married
______________________________

If less than your age, explain

____________________________________________________________________



ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes
__No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo?
__Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE
APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?


______________________________________________________________


______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to
you?


______________________________________________________________


______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?


______________________________________________________________


______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend
___________________________________________________

How often you attend
________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

Father? _____________

Mother?_____________

Priest or Pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all
answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:


______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:


______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:


______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about
is:


______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
_______________________________


______________________________________________________________


______________________________________________________________

F: When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her
first is:


______________________________________________________________

G: What is the current going rate of a hotel room?
__________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT
TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
INDIGENOUS AUSTRALIAN BULL ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION,
ELECTROCUTION,
CHINESE WATER TORTURE and RED HOT POKERS

_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________
________________________________
Mother's Signature
Father's Signature

_______________________________
________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi
State or Federal Government Representative
_______________________________ (Their stamp goes here )
Notary Public

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual.
Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write. If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(You might watch your back)

To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.



Daddy's Rules for Dating
Your dad's rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you're a
guy):

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be
delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at
her so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you
cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove
them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your
age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to
the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,
and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do
not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I
will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in
place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world sex without
utilizing a 'Barrier method' of some kind can kill you. Let me
elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know
each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of
the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from
you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back
at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is:
'early.'

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many
opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it
is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my
little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is
finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to
appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you
want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter
is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting
the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you
do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my
daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a
wooden stool, places where there is darkness, places where there is
dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and
a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong
romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies that feature chain
saws are okay. Cricket games are okay...Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding,
middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter,
I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where
you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel,
and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to
mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in
over a rice paddy near Hanoi . When my Agent Orange starts acting up,
the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for
you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway
you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
daughter home safely and early then return to your car - there is no
need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is
mine.


Muw HA HA HA HA HA hahahahahahahahahahaha:firedevil:
 

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You'll know you've found MR. Right for her when she brings in her date for the introduction and upon seeing all the stuff on the wall his eyes get this dreamy glaze and he says "Cooool" then proceeds to spend the next hour talking to you about all your stuff and entirely forgets about her! ;D
 

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Being 19, and 5 proms under my belt within the past 3 years, I've dealt with the gun dads before, and they always end up being the ones I get along with the best. I'll never forget my senior prom the girls dad was sitting in the living room disassembling a Garand, trying to scare me a little. He was quite surprised when I showed him how to disassemble the bolt that he couldn't get apart, along with knowing how to strip the rest of the rifle. Needless to say my date got a little frustrated because her dad and I spent the next hour talking about surplus rifles and our collections.
 

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Yeah...but did you get invited to Sunday dinner..? Always happened when I dated a girl and made it a point to meet both mom and dad and ask dad when he wanted his little girl home. Being dressed in a sport coat and tie did not hurt either. Most moms asked me to attend Sunday dinner on the spot....LOL.
 

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A freinds was him and his wife sitting on the front porch, him in his full Confederate Colonels kit, his wife in period dress knitting, both sitting in rockers, the better part of his Confederate company with scraggly grizzled beards, muskets stacked (tripoded with bayonets) 17th VA battle flag draped across the stack line across front yard. Everyone with arms crossed giving the stone face look, "and you will have my daughter home at such and such time, and if you upset her all these men are her Uncles who have known her since she was born"
 

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prom

My first girl went to her Junior prom last weekend, the young man was an eagle scout and took her out shooting before hand,with a bunch of other guys and girls, my wife and I had to go to the prom so I told him next time they went shooting to come go through the arsenal,my daughter told him I have lots of guns, I think her score went up a ways! I got lucky with this one,she would never date anyone I wouldn't approve of, my next girl is a little more wild so I'll probably have to scare a few guys.
 

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Glad to be the father of a son...lol. I know I'm raising him right, just hope it takes...

-WRM
 

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sons and daughters

When I ended up for with girls and no boys a crusty old fart told me that "boys were much easier to raise, with them you only have to worry about one penis, with girls you have worry about all of them"!
 

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I don't think I will have this problem... however my idea was...

The Boy would come in and I would take him in another room. Then hand his a 45ACP Bullet. Ask him if he knew what it was. Assuming he said yes. Tell him "Don't make me give you another one!" I think that should be all that needs to be said...

I guess back up plan for if he said "No" to knowing what the bullet was... was to pull the 1911 out and say "its what comes out of this".
 

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All I ever needed, was to see a shotgun propped next to the front door. She always got back on time, too!!!

Carry On!
Gary
><>
 

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My preference is to show them the backhoe and brag about how it digs to sixteen feet. Then get stern, look 'em in the eye and say 'most metal detectors only read down to ten feet.' Then pause. Then say 'You wearin' any metal?'
 

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Ughhhhh - dreading this!!! My little girl turns 16 in June. There will ALWAYS be guns in the open when/ if her boyfriend comes to call!!!
 

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Boy am I glad I got through that part... Good luck with it Outdoor Dave.

Guns worked for me. I knew where they lived also.

Steamer
 

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girls and boys

Thats one really good thing about living in a small town, you know everyone and you know where they live,it doesn't hurt that everyone thinks you are crazy!
 
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